Kids & Sports: Are you helping or causing unnecessary anxiety?
As we sit and watch the Super Bowl and look forward to the Olympics, it’s easy to think our child might be the next sports prodigy. If only they showed some discipline, went to their trainers, worked hard. It may well be your child is a gifted athlete, but pushing them or becoming an over-involved sports parent will not only embarrass them, it creates unnecessary anxiety for them — at a time when they need it least — and can be detrimental to their long term development.
Of course we all mean well. None of us would ever intentionally harm our children. Here are some tips that will help you help your super athlete grow into a super happy adult as well.
- Let them decide in which sports to participate. You can expose them to many, but do not force one over another.
- Follow their lead when it comes to extra practices. If they want extra coaching, they will tell you.
- Ask if they had fun – not how they did. Study after study shows that what kids really care about is enjoying themselves, having fun being part of a team. Asking if they had fun shows you care about their happiness.
- Don’t comment on their form, ability or how the team did as soon as they leave the field.
- Don’t shout from the sidelines.
- Don’t criticize or second guess the coach, not those who volunteer or those who work for the school system.
- Never put down other players or blame them for poor team performance.
- Do not attend every practice and every game. Kids need to develop away from their parents. If they know you are watching, they can’t relax. Make a rule, like attending the home games, or the big games. And skip the practices all together.
- Hug and tell them you love them when they lose, and are proud of their effort – and let them figure out the rest. Learning how to fail and pull yourself back up is one of the most important lessons a child can learn from sports. Be sure to give them that gift.