Parenting While Coping with an Anxiety Disorder

When you’re a parent you’re bound to feel anxious at times. It’s normal to feel some anxiety when sending your child to school for the first time, leaving them overnight for the first time or sending them off to summer camp. All parents feel a certain amount of anxiety, but when you have an anxiety disorder, it’s easy for it to spiral out of control.

I have an anxiety disorder. Will my child get it too?
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the United States. In fact, it affects the lives of 40 million adults (18% of the population). Like other mental and physical health problems, anxiety disorders do run in families. A John’s Hopkins University School of Medicine researcher found children whose parents have anxiety are 2 to 7 times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder themselves. Although a child may be genetically predisposed, it doesn’t mean that an anxiety disorder will develop. Environmental factors play a large role as well.

Children learn behaviors and take cues from their parents. If you are fearful of a situation, your behavior is telling the child that there is reason to be afraid, even if that fear is irrational. If your child is going to camp and you are visibly worried, you are telling your child that there is a reason for them to be worried too. If you start to panic in an elevator for no reason, that sends a message that elevators are scary. Pay attention to the words you choose and how you react to a situation.

So what should I do when I feel anxious?
Sometimes anxiety can blindside you; Everything is fine and then all of the sudden you’re feeling panicky. When you’re with your children, you can’t just panic. First, take a breath. Determine what you are worried about? Ask yourself how likely it is that what you’re worried about will actually occur? Then engage your mind. Take the kids outside for a walk, play in the sandbox, build blocks or do some coloring. Whatever the activity is, be sure it actively engages your mind. Watching TV allows your mind to wander down paths that can lead to more anxiety. 

Extreme stress can trigger and/or worsen an anxiety disorder, so it’s important to find a healthy way to manage stress. Make time for yourself to do something you enjoy; yoga, painting, walking outside, gardening. Also try to increase your stress tolerance; Essentially work to desensitize yourself to stress by using techniques to help remain calm. If you know meeting with your boss fills you with anxiety, practice deep breathing and positive visualization beforehand. You will probably still feel the stress, but the goal is to feel less stressed and build resilience so the anxiety doesn’t take over or trigger a panic attack.

Can I prevent an anxiety disorder from developing in my child?
As a parent with anxiety, you probably feel like you want to protect your child from dealing with that. New research has shown that therapy can actually be used as a preventative measure for kids who are at higher risk of developing anxiety. Researchers studied 136 families for a year. The families had at least one parent with anxiety and a child between the ages of 6 and 13 who had not yet been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Half of the families participated in weekly family therapy sessions for eight weeks and the other half received a 30-page document that outlined strategies to reduce anxiety. After one year, only 5% of the kids who received therapy developed an anxiety disorder compared to 31% of kids who did not.

Teach Children Coping Skills
Whether a child is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or not, they are bound to experience anxiety at some point, which is why some experts say teaching coping skills is even more important that trying to prevent an anxiety disorder in the child. One of the most important things to teach them is facing the fear will help reduce anxiety. When we avoid the anxiety-provoking situation, the anxiety grows into a fear that begins to paralyze them. The exposure should be done gradually. It’s ok to encourage your child to be brave and face their fear, but never force them. The Child Mind Institute offers advice for what to say and not to say to an anxious child.

Postpartum Anxiety
If you’re a new mom, especially one that has a history of anxiety or depression, you are at a higher risk of developing postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD. All new parents are anxious at times, which is totally normal, but moms who experience postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD can experience racing thoughts, intense fear, constant worry, disturbing thoughts or feel the need to check things constantly. If you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are feeling very worried or just not yourself, it’s important to talk to your doctor and determine if you need to be treated for an anxiety disorder.